In Process … Pt. 3

In Process … Pt. 3

***Warning*** Contents past this point may expand the mind beyond normal capacity.

*** Proceed with caution ***

Letter to Playthell Benjamin (con’t)

Continued from In Process … Pt. 2.

By Katrina Taylor

I want to have this conversation on race. But only when there’s the opportunity for real communication and healing which is needed on all “sides”. Just because the White people “have everything” doesn’t mean they’re not suffering as is evidenced by the high levels of neuroses, psychoses & pathological behavior, quiet as it may be kept. Everyone is suffering varying degrees of psychoses trying to pretend that untruths are true. It doesn’t work for anyone.

I’m willing to go as deep as it gets because I’m clear on the reality. There are no superior people. We all experience superior moments, mediocre moments, and down-right fucked-up moments.

In the big picture, everybody really is doing the best they can in this dense reality so we can cut one another some slack. We’re making it all up as we go along anyway by what we choose to think, do and act upon in any given moment. Some may see it as a hopeless quest, Quixotic even. But eternal optimist, I am and I would hate to know the person I would be without the hope that springs eternal from my core. The hope that has sustained me through impossible odds.

Continued fighting over what’s been done has gotten us to this place of extreme partisanship. Of course I’ll continue to fight for President Obama, because with him it’s not about politics. It really is a battle between the light and dark, generally speaking, one of those trajectory-shifting moments in our history. The way I see it, in order to even have this unfeasible conversation about race, somebody’s gonna have to go first and be vulnerable. Maybe if we can get enough people willing to face our own shit, stop leaning on historical crutches of privilege and victimization we might be able to shift the tide. We can choose to change those roles at any time. They haven’t seemed to work well as it’s only when we’ve suspended such thoughts and worked together that we’ve made monumental strides forward.

Each of us is responsible for being able to suspend our emotional responses for a minute in order to explore the deeper reality. That we are one. Not all Whites are devils and not all Africans are saints. In my view we’ve all been sinners and saints so there really is no room for judgment. And history shows its futility. It is us who continue to cast off the burdens of personal responsibility to blame those outside us for our unhappiness. Whether it’s the boss or the kids or the husband or the nigga or the cracka or the kike, wop, spic, fag, dike, however the mirror of our lives is reflecting back to us our true essence. What we see is a reflection of our real selves, why some see calamity where others see opportunity.

Perception informs the screens of our reality and underneath all the bullshit, there’s only ourselves to blame or reward for the state of our existence. When we recognize this and master our own raging natures and work it to the best of our ability, there is progress, as you’ve demonstrated with your life;, Mr. Benjamin, a result of living your perfect self-expression. That is what God is to me. Harnessing the awesome Is-ness, the animating force behind all existence … actualizing the power of our thoughts, words & deeds Oftentimes hurling curses at one another, unawares, creating vast miasmic pools contaminating the space, all in the name of being right.

But if we win the battle and lose the war for humanity, if our aim is not to lift all boats, then we cannot succeed for, in spite of all the struggles, we’re in this shi(t)p together. The real question beneath all the bullshit is how do we make it work? Each one of us is responsible for the answer and can choose in each moment whether to add the poison or the cure to the collective mix. The true master transmutes one into the other, using the bullshit of the past to fertilize the dreams of the future.

Mine may seem a whimsical world view in the midst of such turmoil and terrible things. “You may say that I’m a dreamer … but I’m not the only one. Maybe someday you’ll join us and the world will live as one.” And the truth is I see all too clearly the world we’ve created for one another. I love Mother Theresa’s quote, “if we have no peace it’s because we’ve forgotten that we belong to one another.” I’ve stopped reminding people of the African origins of that sentiment and the many other treasures reaped & raped from our history. Imploring White friends and Black friends to recognize the pathology in their own psyches that has them acknowledging, even celebrating many ancient cultures yet somehow finding African culture, abhorrent — remnants of propagandized imprints from a system needing to maintain a meme; justification for enslaving the founders of civilization. It’s bullshit so let’s do what we can to get over it, shall we?

The picture is clear but through experience, I’ve come to see that I can’t be heard when I bring down the hammer. The velvet glove I’m learning to wear has had far better effect in opening up the space for authentic communication.

The fact that Africans are the grandmothers and fathers of humanity reveals a genetic connection between us all, like it or not. In the end through this millennia-old tragicomedy, our strongest resource is each other. But it only works when we’ve mastered ourselves, tended our own vineyards and stopped meddling in the yard next door. Religious or not, the bottom line is we have only ourselves to point to for the world we live in. All of us complicit. The past remains the past and to continue to fight for it, to allow ourselves to be manipulated by it, is a losing strategy that keeps us at one another’s throats mired in bullshit and creating more of the same in our future.

The neuro-pathways of our shared historical memory are entrenched in our national psyche and the only place of true power is now, this moment. What am I bringing to the table right now? It’s the only way to fill in old worn out trenches and begin to dig new ones. Someone has to go first and my passion around this whole issue tells me that I’m one of the ones with my hand in the air. It’s a quagmire of emotion and will look ugly for a minute but the only way to it is through it, I always say.

I don’t honestly know why I’m telling you all this. It turned into a stream of consciousness journal entry but I started this letter to you with the intention of reminding you how you impact the space. You’re a formidable, emitting such a high frequency that many cannot handle it. This can cut both ways as I’m sure you know. In my case, with three little sentences you have unleashed the writer in me; freed me up with a small appreciation of my handling of the craft. A luminary yourself, I couldn’t know it would have this effect but I am riding this unexpected wave.

I’ve been writing with glee ever since, surrendering to the belletristic orgasms freeing me from the excruciating muck of what we call, “writer’s block”. Your words were a blessing to me, clearing away some stubborn dross so I could get to the gold. Even as I write this, giddy as my fingers fly across the keyboard, my mind is liberated from doubt and I feel the courage to experiment with my own personal self-expression. I guess I’m practicing on you and I hope you don’t mind but you are uniquely qualified in this instance.

So I’m also writing this letter because I can. Because there’s someone on the other end who can get it. Who can hear me. I can stretch and experiment and I don’t have to play small to be understood. In this moment, I am in heaven.

My guess is that I’m not the only one whose life you’ve impacted in this way. Many you will probably never know about since your reach is felt worldwide. In the midst of the hustle & bustle I wanted to make sure you knew from me what your generosity of human spirit has meant in my life. I feel it will prove transformative.

Blessings Always, Playthell Benjamin.

Your forever well-wisher,
Katrina

~~~~*~~~*~~~~

The building blocks of authentic self-expression are growing all around us these days, in the people & events straining to break free from old traps & paradigms around the globe. Change is in the air and the possibilities have no end.

No matter what one believed about 2012, we have entered a new day. A renaissance time at the crossroads of our collective future. What will we do with it? It’s completely up to us and never before have the opportunities been better for the best we could imagine, just ahead.

But, as always, the choice is ours.

To be continued …

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~ by katrinataylor44 on January 3, 2013.

One Response to “In Process … Pt. 3”

  1. Reblogged this on The Last Of The Millenniums and commented:
    You wrote : “Continued fighting over what’s been done has gotten us to this place of extreme partisanship”.
    If I read nothing else the rest of the year – you have made my year.

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